What some of you might not know about me in these past few years is the struggle I’ve been having, wrestling with God and trying to maintain my faith in Him to work out things for good in my family. Days, weeks, months went by and I became disheartened. Would God ever help my family? I can’t stand to watch this anymore, I can’t bear to go through this anymore, I’m the fixer, I should be able to fix this! I began to become resentful during this time in my life when I am supposed to be ecstatic with creating a human life. Initial fear, sorrow, and heartache turned into anger, bitterness, and a facade of indifference to my family. After nearly 2 years of dealing with the ups and downs of my family, I was ready to disown them. I was angry with God for letting this happen to my family.
Thankfully, God has given me my amazing husband. I know God had brought us
together for many purposes, and He knows that optimism and encouragement aren’t my strong
suits under moments of duress. Jeremy was always the voice of reason for me, during many
times I wanted to give up all hope and abandon my family. God was still working through those
dark moments, there were many situations my brother put himself in with unfavorable odds of
living. I know that God was answering my prayers about safety for my family. And though they haven’t all found Jesus yet, I know that God is going
to include this difficult time to be part of a great testimony to Him, once they come to see all the ways God has been fully invested in their life. My faith has been restored to
know that as I keep praying for him, all things are possible for our Father.
I shared this testimony, because I feel like the theme of this last week for me was God’s
faithfulness. It’s funny, because I was thinking of which testimony I wanted to share going
down on this trip, and I began planning this one out in my mind as it was the most recent.
Events seemed a bit backwards for some of us who were used to arriving mid-week and hitting
the ground running with ministry sites. This time around, we arrived on a Friday night, did a
more relaxed day of ministry on Saturday with some shopping, then went to our beloved Sunday
service “Mexico Style” at Pastor Arnulfo’s church: Iglesia Restauracion. The director of the
mission teams at VCH, Bob, delivered the sermon that day, regarding...God’s faithfulness! It’s
so funny. Here I’ve been struggling for the last few years with all this, and the first thing God
wants me to hear about on this trip is His faithfulness. He has such creative ways of reaching out
to us, and this was just one.Jesus was working on my heart for months to prepare me for this trip. Over the last few months, He was softening my heart, assisting me with forgiving my brother, letting go of the bitterness, and showing Himself to me in everyday little things. I was asking for God to show Himself to me in new ways, to reveal something new about Himself to me this trip, in fact it was one of my prayer requests. God gave me a yearning for this, a hunger to seek Him and learn more about Him. Interestingly, Jeremy got me reading The Spirit Who Speaks:God’s Supernatural Intervention in Your Life, a book by Peter Lawrence, a vicar in the Church of England who recounts his experiences of listening to the Holy Spirit and praying for God’s intervention in people’s lives.
So, after reading about the Spirit, when we first arrived in Mexico, I was excited to hear
from my Father, to do what He planned for me to do down there. At the ministry sites, I prayed,
and I waited on Him to give me a word. Who do you want me to pray for? Give me a word for
someone, give me an idea of something to call someone forward for healing. Day 1 at the
colonia, I didn’t hear anything, and I chalked it up to being a little rusty. Day 2 goes quickly,
again without a specific word or feeling. At the colonia I am antsy, pleading to Jesus for the
Spirit to speak to me, with a hunger to deliver some sort of good news to someone from God.
It’s almost to the point of demanding, instead of waiting. And again, I don’t hear anything.
Which is ok. At night, when taking time to be with Him, I am reminded of God’s faithfulness to
me, how persistent He is to call me to Him. This gives me peace, taking away any anxiety I had
about hearing from Him. The next day (day 3) at a colonia in the evening, we are praying over a woman for many things (she would ask for prayer for one ailment, then after we healed it, prayer over another- from knee to broken rib, to finally hearing). On the last item we prayed for-her ears, she said she felt a shot of heat come down on her right ear and shoot through to her left. She said she could hear better! Amen! That’s what we came to do! And there I felt it, I felt like I needed to ask her not only if she could hear better, but to ask God to speak to her. Our translator asked if she heard God’s voice and she said yes! How amazing! God gave me something to bless her, to hear the voice of God. And then the next day, I again waited, with real patience this time, and did not feel a strong message from the Spirit, but saw some amazing things and still continued to pray and see healing in the people we prayed over, because God is good!
On our final night in Nuevo Laredo, we spent some time with each other, the wonderful students at the VCH institute, and one of the co-founders, Donna Blanchard. She had a little lesson for us and led us in worship. During worship, Donna receives a word from the Spirit. She asks if anyone has been waiting to hear from the Spirit, and reports that he wants to give the gift of tongues. Immediately as Donna is revealing this information, I feel an excitement in my chest, heart pounding, rapid breathing, with a pressure welling up inside me. She continues to play her guitar and invite the Holy Spirit to be in our presence. As she encourages us to speak in tongues, I feel that same feeling in my chest move up to my throat and, unsure of what to do (I’d never spoken in tongues before), I felt God tell me, just open your mouth and relax. When I did, my mind was relaxed and foreign words were pouring out without any effort of the muscles in my face or mouth, or thought of what I was saying! I was just praising God for reaching out and blessing me in this special way! I’ve never really had any desire or intention to speak in tongues. I never saw anything wrong with it, but I just figured if God wanted me to, He would give me the gift when He saw fit. I am so thankful that He did. He gave me another little piece of Himself, revealed a little more to me that I was seeking after.
I was expecting to hear these prophetic words about who God wanted me to go talk to,
how He wanted me to pray over someone, or some other grand movement of the Spirit. But God
knows what He wants to give to us, how He wants to bless us or those around us. We just have
to give ourselves to Him, acknowledge “I am here to do whatever you would have me do.” I am
so thankful He gave us His Spirit to live within us and bless us with those giftings. In a final
word, my Father showed Himself to me in a brand new way, remained faithful to me though I
had struggled with doubt and anger, and prepared my heart and soul not only for Mexico, but for
whatever upcoming big thing He has very soon for me. Because He is faithful, it’s part of His
character: “God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ
our Lord.” (1 Corinthians 1:9).
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